The Smirk

My constipated Claire finally went #2 on the toilet without me even asking

or reminding her too.

 Then she took a lovely nap and hugged me all throughout dinner while telling me 

that I was the 'best mom ever.' 

It's days like this that being a mother is brilliant!

Christian took us to Barnes and Noble after dinner for some

 Godiva hot chocolate with delicious whipped cream.

 Seeing my two girls sitting on their knees on the bar chairs

in the café blowing bubbles into their hot chocolate was precious.

Afterward, I followed Claire as she wandered around the whole children's

book section, telling me she wanted everything for Christmas.

Santa better have a lot of money and a big sack for all this loot.

As we started driving off out of the parking lot, I looked back

to see my children settling into their car seats.

Claire's face was hiding behind a book.

 An unfamiliar book.

 I turned on the light in the car and noticed that this

 unfamiliar book was, in fact, very UNFAMILIAR…and maybe even stolen?

I lowered the book in front of Claire's face,

  and she looked at me with a suspicious smirk.

Her facial expressions showed a mix of 

I got away with taking this book from Barnes and Noble, 

and with my adorable face, 

I didn't get caught—not even by my own folks.

And, 

I know taking the book is wrong, but I really want it.

As Christian took the book back into the store, 

Claire, in all her dramatics, yelled:

"Santa Claus will give it to me; you'll see!!"

He's mean! Kind of.

Last Spring, Christian went on a business trip to Atlanta 

and I was alone with the kids. 

I was nervous to be alone especially since we were having such

 terrible rainy and gloomy weather.

I don’t sleep well without Christian, and its never fun to be alone

 during such horror movie weather conditions. 

At one point the wind blew so hard it sounded like

creepy man ghosts right outside my door...really!

Before Christian left, we got our dog, Jimmy, a nice little cushion

to put in our room so I wouldn't be alone on those terrifying, lonely nights.

It was nice, and I did sleep much better knowing 

my gigantic, mean, ferocious dog was on high alert in our

 room ready to pounce on anything or anyone if duty calls.

In reality, our slightly overweight lazy Jimmy dog took to the cushion and became

even more lazy and unaware of anything or anyone unless it was a wrapper crinkle

or the sound of the refrigerator door opening.

Meet the newest member of the family!

Today we got ourselves a new (old) car.

Almost our entire five years of marriage we have (for the most part),

 been a one-car family. 

  Christian has been taking our car to work each morning.  

And it's been working fine.

I don't really need the car since we go on lots of walks

 and there are parks nearby.

But this winter might be a different story- especially since we've 

added a new child to our family.

 Before we committed to buying another car, we weighed 

and experimented with our options,

I could take Christian to work at 7:00 every morning—hauling the kids as well.

We tried that for a few mornings and that was

NOT fun (especially on those super cold winter mornings). 

So we researched and found this lil beauty in Pennsylvania.

 We are excited about the dual moon roofs, leather seats,

 and space for more kids! 

 (That’s not an announcement!)

The Cement Goose

Our neighbor, Stanley (with the cement goose on his porch) 

looked a little confused this morning as the girls and I 

watched him undress her from her Halloween witch

 costume and into a Thanksgiving pilgrim costume. 

He placed a hat on top of gooses' head and stood back and examined. 

Something didn’t look right.

He placed his hand to his chin and circled goose. 

Then he snapped his fingers and called for his wife, Adele.

Adele came out on the porch and with one look you could tell she was not happy.

She threw her arms up in the air, undressed goose,

 and went back inside with Stanley following close behind.

The girls and I looked at each other.

Now what?

I went into the kitchen to clean up breakfast when Jane yelled my name.

I ran back into the living room and watched as Adele came outside with 

a different Thanksgiving costume for goose. 

Stanley assisted Adele with this momentous occasion.

Minutes later they both stepped back reveling

a darling Pocahontas with feathers and braids.

The girls and I clapped (Ollie did too, except he didn't know why).

I then realized that goose has multiple costumes for each month;

pumpkin AND witch for Halloween.

Uncle Sam AND Lady Liberty for the 4th of July.

Santa Claus AND Angel for Christmas, and now Pocahontas

AND pilgrim for Thanksgiving.

It is so fun watching her change each month and 

even more, fun sneaking over to the neighbor's house to take photos.

Halloween aftermath.

When Halloween was all said and done

 and the night came to a close we examined the damage. 

 Two colossal size bags full of treats, and a rather large bowl of leftover candy 

that we had passed out to trick-or-treaters sat on our kitchen table. 

It was so much junk I was so unsure what do with it all

so I did what any normal mother would do;

 I ate a few crunch bars (and 3 Snickers) and dumped the rest.

The night was a hit, and the girls loved wearing their butterfly 

costumes running from house to house collecting their loot!

It was the cutest thing I ever did see.

Oliver who was dressed up like a mushroom roughly made it to three houses 

before his night came to a haunting halt.

 He was out like a zombie.

It was WAY past his bedtime.

Each house we came to Claire would say to us:

“Mom and Dad we can do this, we don’t need you following us.”

Claire (of course) did all the talking on the front steps 

and people thought my kids were so dang cute which then

prompted them to become even more generous with the candy.

Pretty soon just after a few houses, the sacks were too full to carry on.

I'm glad Christian was with us.

Top 5 spookiest Stephanie costumes

This year we expected the goose (who lives on our neighbor's porch)

 to be wearing her pumpkin costume like she did last year.

Boy, we were surprised when we woke up to find a witch on the porch.

The girls screamed at the news,

"She's a witch, mom! She's a witch this year!!!"

Our neighbors are an elderly couple, and they don't miss a month of dressing up 

the cement goose for every holiday and every month.

I don't know what we'd do if they didn't change her up.

It would be like never flipping the calendar with each new month.

I think my girls would die.

I think I would die!

I decided that our Halloween theme this year would be "Nature."

So I made costumes for us all:

Christian-apple tree.

Claire- butterfly with green and orange wings

Jane-butterfly with pink and purple wings

Oliver-a red mushroom

And I made a nest for my head using birds, feathers, moss, and eggs.

It all turned out great.

In celebration of Halloween, I decided to make a list

 of my all-time favorite Halloween costumes (so far)

that I have worn throughout the years:

5. I really liked my next idea this year. 

(24 years)

4. Neo and Trinity from the movie Matrix. 

Which I have never even seen.

 (Christian is 22, and I am 19)

3.'Spooky Devil' in 2nd grade. 

  It came with a one-piece black leotard...watch out, Lucifer!

(9 years)

2. I can't find a picture of my second favorite costume.

But it was with my cousins Mike and Katie.

We were a 3-headed monster.

Katie actually sketched this costume out on the playground at recess

and then asked our neighbor, Vanessa, who is

a seamstress (she also made my wedding dress), 

to make it.

She did! It was awesome!

 (5th grade, 10 years)

1. Spider and the Web.

 Claire and I were the perfect mother-daughter match! 

(21 years, Claire 1 year)

I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!

Legend Of Sleepy Holland

Last Friday night, we packed up the family and headed north to New York

 to the quaint town of Sleepy Hollow.

Yes, there is actually a town called "Sleepy Hollow" 

where the author Washington Irving wrote his famous tale:

 "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow".

Christian and I have decided to visit the town of Sleepy Hollow

and make it our Halloween tradition.  We went last year, too!

In anticipation of Halloween 2005, our annual Sleepy Hollow trip

was super special since our friends,  Matt and Paige Holland 

and their four darling children joined us.

The Hollands moved to Princeton for a year-long sabbatical, 

and I am so glad to have them here!  I'm not so homesick anymore!

We decided to meet up at the Horsemen Diner on the corner

of the street near Washington Irving's estate.

After dinner, we headed to the Irving estate, where a gravel path

 leads around the perimeter of the house, outlined by thousands of carved pumpkins.

People dressed up as ghosts roamed around, scaring the children.

Storytellers were recreating Ichabod’s superstitious tale,

 and pirates serenading us with quirky songs and stories.

We also came upon a graveyard filled with spooks who sauntered around

 (some playing fiddles, too), but

Claire’s favorite spot was at Ichabod's barn because it was full of ghosts that

 danced under a black light, and it accentuated their white robes.

But the reason we go to the town of Sleepy Hollow 

is to see the actual headless horseman who rides around the grounds

 like a black shadow scaring everyone in his path.

His black cape billows in the wind as he sits atop his black stallion.

 It's stunning and eerie.

Matt lovingly called Paige “Pagie-ee” throughout the night

 and it was really cute.

Paige and I chatted the whole night while carrying our babies, 

wiping noses, and taking photos.

Matt had baby Danny in his backpack carrier and took Jane

 from me from time to time so Paige and I could catch up on living in New Jersey. 

Christian carried Oliver and spent most of the night answering 

Claire's inquisitive questions: 

"No, Claire, they aren't real."

"Yes, those people are just dressed up."  

"Yep, that's just make-up, honey."

We were the last ones on the estate.

The night was long, but so much fun.

On the hike back to the car, with tired kids (some already asleep),

we inquired about Elder Jefferey R. Holland, who is Matt's dad,

and a friend of my childhood family.

I was happy to hear that all is well in Salt Lake City.

Happy Halloween, from us back in the Eeeeeeast.

And I Shall Call Her Toad

Claire Aurora was born four years ago today. 

 She popped out of me looking very similar to Mr. J. Thaddeus Toad from 

the darling classic Wind and the Willows.

And so it began, and we gifted Claire with her first nickname: TOAD.

It's not meant to be mean.

She is the most adorable little toad I've ever ever seen!

Claire is extraordinary, gifted, and wonderful. 

 Her long deep black eyelashes border her hazel-tinted eyes. 

She has thick jet-black hair that compliments her fair skin,

   with a little button nose and heart-shaped lips.

Claire is the spitting image of Snow White.

Her favorite Uncle Christopher (CK) got Claire

a little plastic cow on her first birthday. 

This cow has moved with us three times and is still the favorite tub toy. 

 I honor the cow (who we call Jersey) on this special birthday too,

 for she has put up with a lot.  

I won't go into it, but we all know what sometimes

goes on in a baby tub...something brown that floats?

 This year CK and Courtney gave Claire some pink Crocks, and

she adores them, just like she adores the cow.

Claire makes me happy every day. 

She makes me laugh (and she occasionally makes me cry, too).

For four years, Claire has molded me into the mother that I have become. 

I love you, Claire.

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mom.

My highlights from home.

The first 5 highlights from my trip to the wild wild West:

1. Letting balloons off to celebrate Claire, who turned four

unofficially on October 21st.

(Her official birthday is 10/29)

2. Claire's 4th birthday Party at Umi's house

with cousins and friends.

3. Dress-ups at Umi's house.

4. Mom, who turned into a political maniac and

is running for city council.

Go, mom!

5. The Heber Creeper Haunted Train ride. 

This dead bride walked up and down the train, unaware that she was 

frightening the socks off my kids.

Block Party in Maryland

We went to Maryland over the weekend and stumbled

on a block party for the Democratic party in downtown Frederick. 

I'm not a Democrat, but the girls loved the balloons,

and I loved the bands!

 Cheers.

No Boys Allowed

I never liked girl's camp...and for a good reason, too.

So to you mothers, here is a tip for you

to help your little beehive have a good time:

 Don’t cut your daughter's hair shorter than the deacons. 

Twice at girl’s camp, I was mistaken for a boy. 

 Now you are probably wondering why

 I was determined to keep my short hair all of my 

childhood when I was commonly mistaken for a boy. 

 Well, for one reason I seriously thought that Demi Moore copied my haircut for

her part in the 1990 movie Ghost, which just confirmed to me that

 the haircut was awesome. (And it was for a 20-year-old, not a 9-year-old).

Also, my sister Page had the same haircut and I loved Page.

Story #1 One June morning in 1993, just freshly twelve years old- the age 

when a girl can attend camp, 

I was loading the bus following behind my friends and cousins.

When I walked past the bus driver sitting at the wheel, 

 I noticed him staring at me looking confused.

I paid no mind and timidly rushed to the back of the bus

 and sat down by my cousins; Katie, Jayne, Casey, and Sarah.

Then I looked forward and saw his piercing eyes glaring at me in the

 long rectangle mirror attached to the windshield. 

You know, that death mirror where bus drivers eagle eye students

 for any monkey business going on during those rides home from long school days.

In my mind, I panicked and wondered;

 why is he staring at me? What’s the deal?

 Then it happened. He could see that I was looking at him, too so 

he lifted his hand up and pointed sharply at me with his finger. 

 I ignored it and looked out the window. 

 Then he yelled,  “HEY!” 

Still, I ignored it again because why shouldn't I?  I didn't do anything wrong.

 But I couldn't help but wonder why he was yelling at me.

 I think deep in my heart I knew what it was.

I already felt stupid.

 Then in the corner of my eye, I watched him pick up the 

bus's loudspeaker, and instantly the bus with nearly fifty loud 

young girls screaming and yapping with excitement came to a halt.

 “Hey, you in the back of the bus!" he yelled. 

“No boys allowed at camp, is this a joke? Who are you here with?” 

My heart was breaking with every word and I knew he was talking to me. 

 All at once, all the girls stood up to see who’s 

devious brother snuck on the bus 

without anyone knowing as a practical joke.  

All the girls began laughing and then and my cousin, Casey looked at me and said,

 “Steph, I think he is looking at you.” 

Tears began swelling as I crept down further in my seat.

 “Hey get off the bus before I notify someone to help you off!” 

He was cruel.  And chubby and I kept thinking to myself, 

well at least I’m not chubby you big chubby loser! 

Finally, he stood up and walked to the back where I was.

 Each footstep shook the bus. The bus was now quiet except for the

 few whispers roaming around.  My heart was racing now. 

What would I tell him, how could I possibly PROVE to this chubby man 

that I was indeed a girl.

 Finally, he reached my seat and put his hand on my shoulder, and said,

“young man, get off the bus."

I looked up with him as a hot tear dripped down my cheek. 

“B-but I’m a girl,” I said nervously.

 He looked at me with an unexpected stare then looked

 at my cousin who nodded quietly. 

 Then he walked away and off the bus. I looked up through my tear-glazed eyes 

as the girls looked at me with pity and embarrassment. 

Clasping their hands over their mouths as if that had happened

to them, they would have died!

I could see through my tears out the window as the chubby bus driver began 

conversing with my leader outside and then nodded. 

 He walked back on the bus and sat down glancing in the back

 through the mirror with awkwardness.

My cousin gave me a side hug then offered me some of her sour patch kids.

"That was rude, Steph.  I'm sorry.  I don't think you look like a boy."

She said holding the treats to me, "the red ones are my favorite."

 Story #2 My second year wasn't much better.

Gratefully, I was able to go to camp with my mom who happened to be a leader 

 We decided at free time to take a walk together on one of the beautiful trails

when we came upon a man they call “Papa Joe”.

 He was a legend at camp because he and his wife had been the caretakers

of the land for years.

He was pilling wood on his quad when he looked up and saw us.

 We nodded and said hello, except he didn’t say hello back,

“Ahhh, Excuse me, sister” 

he said looking at us with an all too familiar glare.

“You know the no boys allowed at camp period rule, right?"

My mom gave him a look that released a thousand fire darts out

 her eyes and said proudly to him,

“This is my DAUGHTER.” 

Then she grabbed my hand and we walked away

 leaving Papa Joe looking more like ‘Sloppy Joe.’ 

“Oh, sorry about that.” He said as we walked away.  

In the distance, I could hear him rattling off a bunch of reasons why

 he excused himself for his ignorant remark.

 As we walked back to camp I said to my mom,

 “Maybe this summer I should grow my hair out?”

She looked at me and said, “Oh, that would look really good on you, darling.

But don't do it because of comments like that, do it because you want to."

(I never did grow my hair out, at least not until I was 20 years old.)

One summer morning years later, 

and just like a character in one of Judy Blume’s books,

 I woke up and looked in the mirror. 

 I had changed. 

 I had turned into a woman! Seriously overnight!  I'm not kidding.

 After that, I was never mistaken for a young man,

and I really liked my short hair.

And this blog will go on and on...

I know, I know, you think my blog is a shrine to 

my husband and I guess in a way, it kind of is, and I don't care.

I would like to share my favorite things about my husband on this blog.

Yesterday, I watched confidently as Christian got out the scissors and

 cut his own hair in the mirror. With talents like those,

 what else could this boy from Arizona do?  

Could he cut my hair? 

So I challenged him, and he surprisingly obliged and cut my hair.

And the best part is, I like it.

What else can he do?  Well, I will tell you:

When I met Christian at my dad's office in Provo, he walked into the room

 with baggy cargo pants and long hair. 

As time went on and we got to know each other a little more, he showed me pictures

 of his recent trip to the family ranch in New Mexico where I learned

he turns into Wyatt Earp for the week and catches

 rattlesnakes with his bare hands.

His cowboy character is quite charming, and as I type this I'm reflecting 

back to one late summer evening when we

 were together at my family's cabin in Wallsburg, Utah.

We decided to ride horses together at dusk, and I 

 I watched in awe as he handled himself around the horses with ease,

like a regular Jim Craig from The Man From Snowy River.

Then he asked me to run and jump onto the horse holding his hand and

swinging myself onto the back of the saddle, like  

Julia Ormond did in the movie, First Knight with the handsome

with “Lancelot” (Richard Gere).

So I did, and I trusted him, too.

Then off we rode into the sunset. 

(This is all true!).

Since we bought our aged, musty dwelling here in New Jersey,

his hands have been hard at work preparing and doing all the

 tasks necessary to fix it up and make it fit for human habitation.

Last week while working on the finishing touches (after a year)

 in the girl's bedroom, he asked me to assist him while

he measured and cut a piece of molding for the wall.

I looked at him as he secured his safety goggles onto his brown eyes.

 A wave of love swept over me as I watched him. 

He had sweat trickling down his forehead and down his back

working in the summer humidity.

 Then he used his nailgun to secure the piece to the wall.

“How does that look darling?” 

He asked me.

As I look around, practically every corner of 33 Harvey Circle

 is something he has carefully constructed with his bare hands.

 I have owned three homes with this man, and never once have we had to call

 a “fix-it” guy to install, repair, or mount anything.

  He can do everything in the house from the pluming to painting to tile and trim.

After college, Christian was offered the best job in this major.

It was no surprise to me of course because he loves what he does,

and he is good at it- really good at it.

In the fall when Christian and I were dating he would often 

come to visit me and pull his skateboard out of the car and ride around.

I'd usually watch him show off

while sitting on top of my car wrapped up in a blanket. 

I'd give him a few claps of encouragement then he'd say:

“Ok watch this one”.

Just like a little boy.

Just a few nights ago, I went to pick him up from the church where he was

spending time with the youth, and there he was in the parking lot with all 

the young men surrounded him in a circle as he was 

dazzling them all with his board tricks.

 I felt like I was a young girl in high school taking home the “star” quarterback.

He jumped in the front seat and I smooched him.

We both glanced in the back seat as our children

looked at us with blank faces.

Someday you'll know how this feels. I thought.

Last night as I was loading the dishwasher he walked into the

 kitchen after putting Oliver to bed,

 and loaded a few empty (and stinky) 

bottles he had found under Ollie's crib.

Then he walked into the bathroom, washed and brushed the girls who were in the tub, 

wrapped them both up in a towel and put on their pajamas.

After that, he told the girls a story (using his hands to add a grand effect), 

 sang them a song with his calming, charming, and masculine voice,

then kissed them gently and shut out the light.

Finally, he picked me up from the couch and took me to bed. 

I had officially married the finest guy ever. 

When Oliver was born at home I was a little nervous to not be

 in the traditional hospital where food was delivered around the clock, 

 nurses attending to my every care, 

and children NOT climbing over me.  

I'd definitely get good rest for about 2-3 days. 

But my husband took care of my concerns by making

 homemade bread, whole-wheat waffles (grinding his own wheat too!),

providing me with fresh fruit and granola in the mornings, 

and making sure I was sleeping every chance I could get.

When I lay on our bed pushing out Oliver, he held my hand and looked into my eyes.

  He shared soothing words of encouragement and love.

  He also changes the oil in the car every 3,000 miles, 

he creates furniture for me, (our kitchen table, my red armoire).  

He redid the bathroom, makes frames for my pictures, pays our bills,

 knows my clothes size, walks the dog, mows the lawn, paints my toenails, 

and occasionally picks out my clothes.

While this post has to come to a close, I can confidently say;

(and in Celine Dion voice singing the song, My Heart Will Go On) 

that his talents, ".....will go on and oooonnnnnnnnnnnnnn".

To a Goose in September

Goosie is ready for September!

To a Goose

If thou didst feed on western plains of yore;
Or waddle wide with flat and flabby feet
Over some Cambrian mountain's plashy moor;
Or find in farmer's yard a safe retreat
From gypsy thieves, and foxes sly and fleet;
If thy grey quills, by lawyer guided, trace
Deeds big with ruin to some wretched race,
Or love-sick poet's sonnet, sad and sweet,
Wailing the rigour of his lady fair;
Or if, the drudge of housemaid's daily toil,
Cobwebs and dust thy pinions white besoil,
Departed Goose! I neither know nor care.
But this I know, that thou wert very fine,
Season'd with sage and onions, and port wine.
-Robert Southey

NieNie: On Being Grateful

I could come up with at least a thousand reasons 

why I am grateful right this second:

And today I decided to write a few of them down:

(They are not in any particular order either).

*I am grateful to say I married the most amazing 

handsome man on the planet, Christian.

* I am grateful to be an American!

*I am grateful that Christian can cut my hair, so I don't have to

go to a salon.

And since I don’t have any money anyway, it works out really great.

Additionally, I can always find alternative ways to compensate him.

*I am grateful to say that after high school, I fell in love and got married.

*I am grateful that I was born in such a large family and named after my father.

*I am grateful that I come from Utah.

*I am grateful that I am a member of 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

* I am grateful for my rich pioneer heritage.

*I am grateful to say that once I was a ski instructor at Sundance Resort in Utah

and all the experiences I had.

*I am grateful for a healthy body, and I had three children

 before turning the ripe old age of 23. 

*I am grateful that Christian adores me.

*I am grateful that I had a choice to put off school to start a family.

*I am grateful that my little family thrives on a vegetarian diet.

*I am grateful for the colorful walls in my house that make me happy.

*I am grateful for the example of my five brothers

 and two sisters who have served

 missions for The Church (Lucy is currently serving in England).

*I am grateful to my in-laws for having eleven children

 who are all excellent people.

*I am grateful for holidays that make life fun, especially Halloween.

*I am grateful that I have perfected my whole wheat pizza, 

which I make every Saturday night for my family.

I am grateful for my children, for my little house in New Jersey,

and this computer, where I can write down

all the things that I am grateful for.

Matt Clark

 { Matt with daughter Lindsay and wife Katy behind

photo by Justin Hackwoth}

This is my brother Matt,

Matt is my second oldest sibling.

He was also my Bishop.

Matt called me a few days ago to see if I was "still alive".  

Once I went over to his house because I needed to urgently talk to him.

It was close to 1:00 am.  I sat on his bed and we talked.

He was the most fun to write about in my book.

He wears red crocs and loves to tease me.

(He always has and always will).

And he teases my children and gives them nicknames.

Claire- Clarise

Jane- Janer

Oliver-Liver

Nicholas-Gigsos

Charlotte- Lottie (in high voice)

 

He gave me the nickname Baboon and still calls me that.

He is always there when I need him and he loves me.

He loves my children.  He loves to hunt, and take his dog Chief for walks 

around the neighborhood.

Other links to Matt:
Wife Katy
Daughter Lindsay