Saturday, May 22, 2021

Elder Scott.

 I was having a particularly hard day.  I'm having a lot of those lately.
 I woke up upset and super overwhelmed.  
I think the for sale sign on our front lawn messes with my head. 
 Everything in my life is threatened...again.  
I've been here before, and it's so uncomfortable, frustrating, and hard.
I have to admit, I am so tired of teaching school.  
I hate sitting down all morning and afternoon to monitor Zooms and teach Gigs.  
Some days are better than others, but lately, my patience level has been nil.

Christian had a wonderful conversation with the BYU MBA program.  
They chose BovIQ to be the capstone project to work on- meaning they 
are going to study the business and then get investors.  
He was so excited about the conversations he was having with the students.  
About 30 of the best MBA kids.  
I am excited for him, too.  I love when his eyes get really big when 
he is talking to me with excitement and promise.

I pray every day that things will work out and that we get our big break.  
Christian gave me a nice big hug and told me to hold on.  
When I break down, I wonder if my lack of faith makes it harder for him. 
I'm feeling depressed, and he seems to be doing pretty good.  
I admire his faith and relationship with the Lord.  It's so inspiring.
(We FINALLY got a new oven. It's been like 3 months)

He went back into our bedroom/office and started to work while 
I held it together, getting Lottie on a 30-minute late Zoom start.  
I pushed myself through school with Gigs, but I was super grumpy.
I told myself I needed to change something.  I decided to look up a
 talk that was referenced in our recent Sunday school lesson. 
 It was a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott.
I knew I needed the help that was in this talk.
I was right.  I did need it, and I loved it. It breathed new air into my soul
 and softened my hardened heart.
I felt inspired to only tell the Lord in my nightly prayer the things
 I was grateful for instead of asking and pleading like I usually did.
"Why does the Lord want us to pray to Him and to ask?
 Because that is how revelation is received."

So, before bed, I knelt down and prayed to thank HIM. 
 The first thing that popped into my head that I was grateful for
 was the big table that Christian had made us.  
We can all sit down together to study,
 to eat, to laugh, to create, and to celebrate on. 

So many wonderful things have happened at the table.  I am so thankful for it.  
It reminded me of my role as a mother, I love being a mom.
  I love teaching, cleaning, loving, and nurturing.  
It feels hard lately, but it's still my role.
After that, hundreds of things I was grateful for came into my head.  
It felt so good to thank and show gratitude instead 
of my frustration and desperation.

I climbed into bed with tears in my eyes and asked 
Christian to help me feel faith and peace.
He reminded me of the time when we first started hanging out. 
The first day he came over to my house was in August of 2000,
 I was on the trampoline studying the recent conference talks. (April 2000)  
He reminded me of that hot afternoon when I lay under the
 oak tree underlining the prophet's words.  
He told me he specifically remembered me 
studying a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott. 
 He told me the whole talk was practically yellow from my highlighter. 
 The talk was called "The Sanctity of Womanhood."
"Then let us encourage every woman who questions her value
 to turn to her Heavenly Father and His glorified Son for
 a supernal confirmation of her immense individual worth.
 I testify that as each woman seeks it in faith and obedience, 
the Savior will continually prompt her through the Holy Ghost. 
That guidance will lead her to fulfillment, peace, and a consuming joy 
through magnifying her divinely appointed, sacred womanhood."
I started to cry and told him I remembered that day vividly. 
 I also told him about my experience earlier in the day 
when I had just printed out another earlier in the day by Elder Scott. 
 I don't think that was an accident.  
I think God wanted us to make that connection and remember 
He is in the little things.  
He hasn't given up on our family, on me.  

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