Sunday, February 22, 2009

Spontaneous twinkles

I lay in bed last night and then I felt it like a super
 annoying friend (hardly a friend): pain.  
Here it comes again.

So I tried thinking of something else hoping that pain would catch the drift,
  I'm not dealing with you tonight.
 I turned my thoughts to last Saturday when 
I joined my mom and dad on a lunch date. 
 After lunch, dad and I dropped off mom 
at the local nail salon for her pedicure. 
Then he took me and his beloved pup, Nan, 
to his favorite spot near the lake
for an invigorating early spring walk.
The day was winding down and the
 sun sat low behind the golden marsh plants.
 I felt happiness. 
I was happy being with my dad alone.
I was happy thinking about Courtney taking my girl's ice skating
and Mr. Nielson with the boys doing boy stuff.
 Dad and I talked and walked. 
He offered advice and I cried because I needed to hear it
and because I felt the spirit so strong.
* * * 
 Then my mind fluttered away from the lake walk with dad and Nan 
for a moment and now I was suddenly standing in a lush and green field. 
 It was the pick-yourself strawberry fields in Maryland.
 I was pregnant with Ollie, and with the two girls by my side, we
 picked giant red lush strawberries.
It was the summer of '04 and we were living with Mr. Nelson's brother Peter,
his wife Darin, and their three children while we made the transition
from Utah to New Jersey.
 Darin brought me to the farm on an over-cast balmy Maryland summer morning. 
 Claire seemed to find and pick the fattest perfectly-formed berries.
She'd plop them in our bucket while Jane picked them up and devoured them
 just as fast as Claire could pick.
 Red juice stained her white t-shirt. 
 She was so happy, so pleased at that moment. 
I remember how much we (I) looked forward to the weekends
because it brought Mr. Nielson back from a lonely workweek in New Jersey. 
 I could barely keep my hands off him. 
 Speaking of spontaneous, one night we said we were going to a movie
but really we parked the car in a beautiful field to watch the fireflies. 
I felt young and beautiful then.
* * *
 Then I thought about precious summer evenings with the kids in New Jersey
and how we'd know when the day was ending because of 
the spontaneous twinkles that would magically and randomly pop up outside.
Fireflies.  God's magic wand.
 * * *
 Those were happy days and tonight they brought me happy warm thoughts 
while snow softly fell out my window as I lay in pain.
I believe the spirit brought those happy memories to my recollection 
 as a reminder (again) that Christian and I were preserved for a 
purpose and that we would have happy memories like that again.