Friday, July 06, 2018

Apron Strings



Last evening at exactly 5:30 I slipped my apron over my neck
 and tied the strings behind me.
Something went off in my head and heart
and I don't think I will ever be able to explain it- 
but I think I want to try at least.
There were days in my life right after the accident--
 actually for a long time even after the accident, that I couldn't tie.  
Couldn't tie anything: shoes, ribbons for hair,
ribbons for presents, and apron strings.
My fingers would fumble around and frustration ALWAYS got the best of me.
After a while, I didn't even try anymore, 
and I would back up into Mr. Nielson (or any of the Little Nies) 
to have them tie the blasted strings for me.
I can't say exactly when something clicked in my 
brain and I decided that I needed to tie the dang apron strings myself.  
And it wasn't just apron strings it was, well, everything. 
I needed to at least try to tie my apron strings, empty the vacuum cleaner, 
button up my own shirts, do the girls hair, load the dishwasher, 
put my own make-up on, brush my own hair,
 make my own bed, and well, I think you get it.
But the apron strings were one of those pivotal things because as much as
 I would sometimes cringe when my mom would show up at
 one of my basketball games in high school wearing her apron,
 I know now why she did it.  
It wasn't that she was sloppy or lazy and it certainly
 wasn't that she was trying to embarrass me.
She did it because she was a mother. 
 A beautiful mother through and through, and the apron was her "cape"
I guess you could say, a symbol of strength and endurance and her femininity.
Any mother I talk to knows that motherhood, 
while very fulfilling, is also very exhausting- and the apron reminds us
to keep pushing on to that bedtime hour and that we're doing our best. 
Tonight I dug into my apron pocket to find a stick of gum, 
a cough drop, two small thumbtacks, a shell from our walk down to the river, 
crumpled up tissues, a poop sack for Angus, and a Lego Batman figurine.
It was a days worth of treasures from little and big hands.
I know not all women share this sentiment, and that's OK,
but this is why I learned to tie my apron strings-
this is why I am a better woman and mother.
This is why I am alive.
* * * * * * * *
Spiritual Enlightenment: Behold Thy Mother
* * * * * * * *
UPDATE on Claire in Samoa:
She is beginning her journey back home!!!
Today she will spend the day in Fiji then fly to LA.
From LA she will catch her flight to bring her all the way across
the country to me in North Carolina.
They built this structure for a family!