Happy Father's Day to my main man, Christian!
I woke up nauseous and tried to push the pregnancy tests out of my mind,
even though I think it's real. We shared dinner with the Snarrs,
who were in DC over the weekend, and brought down
Cafe Rio for our special Father's Day dinner.
to even think about doing that.
We held baby Claire, and inside, I was dying because
this could be my reality, and no one knows.
Especially after hearing Lottie and Gigs say;
"Oh, Mom, just have one more, please!"
And
"She's so little, I don't even know how to hold her!"
And all of these comments were driving me crazy.
I couldn't even concentrate on Christian as being the most wonderful father,
because all I could think about was how he would be another father
to another one of our children after being done for nearly 14 years.
I pictured him holding a baby and changing diapers.
I pictured him holding our baby like a football, and teaching him/her
how to ride a bike. All the things flashed in my mind.
Then I remembered how SICK, how horribly, awfully SICK
I get with my pregnancies.
I can't imagine doing it again.
Not now, not with the studio just opening, Claire getting married,
and Gigs going on his mission.
I'm worried about work tomorrow.
Can I get out of bed and teach when I feel like dying?
Whoa boy, what is going on?
