Friday, June 10, 2022

Carrying my own pack.

Today was our big packing day, and tomorrow we depart for Africa.
Christian and I lay everything out on our bed
 and started packing it in our bags.  
We both have a large waterproof mountain bag, a
 large rolling suitcase, and our backpacks.
Seven other burn survivors are going on this trip, 
and we've been given strict instructions that we are NOT to carry our own
packs on the trail, and Dr. Foster is very adamant 
about this rule with me, especially since my back and shoulders
were so severely burned.  The skin is very fragile, and one rub or cut won't heal
properly at such a high altitude.  This could compromise my success.
But I am very much adamant that I CAN CARRY my bag.
Dr. Foster doesn't know it, but I'm not giving it up to the porter
on the mountain, and I hope we can both come to an agreement on this.
To me, carrying my own load is symbolic of the mountains I've clmibed
with Lord has helped me get to the top.
I need to prove this to myself.
I just need to.
Chrisitan is 100% carrying his own pack and wasn't as burned as badly
as I was so, Dr. Fosster is a little more forgiving.

It's been such a busy few months that I haven't had much
 time to process what I am doing.  
The thing is, I have no idea what I am doing and,
 I have no idea what to expect!  I do know this:
 I am ready to do this mentally, spiritually, and physically!
And I am such a competitive spirit and have no doubt I will make it
triumphantly to the top of Mt. Kilamanjaro in one piece!
I do have minor panic attacks when I think about leaving the Nies
for so long, and I get a little panicky thinking about the
 LONG plane rides I have to endure.
Dr. Foster prescribed me some Xanax, just in case.
My plan is to use deep breathing, listen to my Calm app about flight anxiety,
and pray a lot.  Medicine is my plan B, and knowing I have it
makes me feel much better.

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