Last summer, after Claire and I took a Barre3 class together,
we hopped in my car to go home, and as I shut the door
the driver's seat window made a loud crash noise
then the window slid down, never to return back up again.
This was the beginning of the end.
I got home and told Christian, who used tape to keep the window
from sliding down.
A new window would cost money that we don't have right now.
Our budget is tight right now as we navigate the
waters of starting a new business and raising a family at the same time.
So about every month or so, Christian would retape the window to keep it
from sliding down again.
By the grace of God, it's worked fine.
Last Valentine's Day, our family was driving to Hope's house to feed
her family dinner. This was her first Valentine's Day since Kevin had died
and my heart ached for her.
Outside was cold, wet, and pouring rain.
With a cooler of food in the backseat, we drove 15 minutes to her house.
Somewhere near Chicken Bridge road, the tape gave way, causing the
window to slide down, exposing the cold rain inside the car.
Christian pulled over.
I felt a heaviness in my heart. I'm tired of struggling.
But I told him maybe the tape breaking meant that
God was ready to pour on our family some much-needed blessings!
Maybe it meant we'd have broken the bonds of struggle and worry, and now
we'd be successful with our dreams realized.
It could be a metaphor for our life, I said!
Maybe God was ready to pour blessings into our lives instead of rain.
Well, the window is still hanging up by tape, and it's almost been a year.
On Mother's Day, when I got to talk to Claire on her mission,
she read to me one of her journal entries:
"I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and my family perfectly-
they know what is best for us. And I will trust in them.
The driver window in the familygator (our car) is broken,
it has been for a while now if we don't tape it shut it, it will roll all the way down.
So, my dad put a few strips of tape on it and changes the tape out about every month or so,
On Valentines Day, while driving in the rain.
Hope's house for dinner, the tape gave way, and the window was held up by
one single strip of tape. It was great-really a cherry on top of our situation.
But now, it means something more to me- on Monday at the dinner table,
we were talking about our family's situation and what we were going to do.
We talked about that single piece of tape in a new way,
My dad asked each of us what the tape meant to us personally and asked:
If it's the only thing keeping the windows of heaven closed and keeping the
blessings of our Heavenly Father from showering down upon us-
WHAT IS THE TAPE?!?
I think it means something to each of us, Nielsons on a very personal level,
but I've got to figure mine out so that I know what Heavenly Father wants me to do."
I'm still trying to figure it out, too.
Our family is crossing new waters.
It's scary, it's uncertain, and we're not sure half the time what we're doing.
But spiritually, Christian and I know that if we continue to teach the
Nies to just
"...talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ,
we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ,
and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may
know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins."
(2 Nephi 25:26)
It's going to work out.
And maybe for me, the tape is pride.
I hate struggling. It's embarrassing and scary. I want to hide
and take my troubles with me so no one knows.
Lord, what is the tape?