I recently came across an old journal entry from May 2009.
My hands were still recovering
and wrapped in tan compression garments and bandages at that time.
Writing was quite painful, and as a result, my handwriting was barely legible.
Before bed, I wrote down my frustrated thoughts in my journal,
and this is what I wrote:
"I really want to go to the bathroom by myself- without any help.
I really want to change Gigs' diaper by myself- without any help.
I want to look at myself and be OK with what I see.
I really want the kids to sit by me and not stare at me like I'm a stranger.
I want to get down on the floor and play toys with them.
I realize I need to have the courage to try and work hard.
I must be willing to fail and try again without losing it.
I seem to cry and scream a lot these days.
I need to keep trying and failing until I am strong enough to succeed.
I can do this.
I am grateful for where I am now and for the lessons I have learned in the past.
I am also thankful for the lessons I am currently learning.
Looking at myself in the mirror now, I can give myself a thumbs up,
and I'm OK.
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Chatting tomorrow, join me.
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