Sunday, September 20, 2015

Simple steps

Yesterday I thought about when I began exercising,
specifically hiking, again after the accident.
At first, it was very small simple steps.  
I was very careful and paranoid of falling down
because falling down meant I'd find myself back in surgery.
I went really slow and steady and exercising usually ended up with 
me crying on my bed.  I was so very discouraged!
Things were not the same, and my body didn't move like it used to.  
It seemed like all the things I loved to do before the crash were now 
suddenly so very hard and frustrating.
I remember times looking at my body in the shower with pity and disgust.  
I was so embarrassed and promised myself to never ever
wear clothes that would show off my skin. 
 I especially was worried I'd make Mr. Nielson or my children embarrassed of me.
But there comes a point when you have to just live.  
You have to just move on.  
Move wayyyyy on.  
Not that you have to forget or ignore the hard times. 
Of course, you have to acknowledge the pain and hurt, but
I have learned that when I stop thinking about myself 
or about what others think about me, 
I have so much more energy to focus on productive things like; 
my children, my spirituality, 
my dedication to the Lord, my family, and my husband. 
I can push harder, faster, and get myself healthier.
 It's hard to do, especially when my body hurts.
This is certainly a process, but I feel stronger and I know that 
and great things did come to pass and still do come to pass for me.
I move faster now, I am stronger, and have confidence in myself.  
I started to appreciate the things I could do,
 and stopped focusing on the things that I couldn't do,
and it has changed my life.