Thursday, April 05, 2018

My Zoo

Today felt so nice to just sit in my mom's sunny 
living room where I watched Lottie & Ada dance.
The girls requested song after song from Alexa who sat on the
 table near me.  We heard songs from Tchaikovsky to Taylor Swift,
Disney classics, and Michael Jackson.
It was quite the mix.
The girls danced loud, then hard, then soft, and elegant, 
sometimes rowdy, but mostly silly.
They were moving all around the living room; 
their bodies full of energy and creativity.
I sat there wishing I had the same feelings.
Sometimes it's a bummer to be here in Provo and to see
 Fox Hill up on the greening hillside, 
or having the convenience of family and friends so close.
With lots of questions and looming decisions ahead of me,
I feel a little out of sorts.
I also realize I am living on the road and every emotion
and feeling seems a little exaggerated.
 And I do miss the quiet ranch and the space I have to wander freely 
around.  I really miss the private moments with Christian
(without our children- as much as I love them).
 I miss cooking (but I have really enjoyed eating out too!).
But I also know that moving to the ranch was inspired, 
and I know it was the right choice for our family.  
I can't deny that feeling even in the deepest moments of frustration
or confusion.  I trust and rely on God to continue to lead my family
where we need to be.
 It's just not Provo right now- and maybe not 
in New Mexico either. 
(as much as my dad is trying to get us back to Provo).

Tomorrow begins Lottie's birthday celebration.
Christian and I will reunite Lottie & Ada again and take them
to Salt Lake City to visit the zoo.

I can't help but feel like sometimes I live in the zoo.

* * * * * * * * * *
Teachings of RMN:
"Jesus suffered deeply because He loves us deeply! 
He wants us to repent and be converted so that He can fully heal us.
When sore trials come upon us, it’s time to deepen our faith in God,
 to work hard, and to serve others. 
Then He will heal our broken hearts. 
He will bestow upon us personal peace and comfort.
 Those great gifts will not be destroyed, even by death."