Thursday, February 25, 2016

Power in Trials

Today someone asked me if I remembered my airplane crash.
 I asked what she meant.
She asked if I remembered the actual airplane crashing.
Yes...yes I do.  I remember it very vividly.  
Almost like it was yesterday in fact.
I remember what it felt and looked like, and the sounds and the smells.  
I remember every bit of it.
The difference now is it doesn't affect me anymore.
I can think about it (and get a big lump in my throat),
but it doesn't throw me into depression or a state of shock as it once did.
I think I am past that part.
I prayed and prayed and prayed (x100,000) that God would take those feelings
away, help me forget, and help me move on.
Mostly I wanted to stop having bad dreams.

In due time God took it away from me
but in His great wisdom, He didn't take them away completely.
He took away the pain, but not the memories.

I believe the hard parts make us strong.  
They make us fighters, they make us sympathetic,
caring, kind, loving, compassionate, and they make us brave.

I hope I never forget my accident even down to the smallest details.  
Sometimes those details break my heart and then
I long for my little life before everything came crashing down,
but those details are what creates gratitude in my heart.
Sometimes for no good reason at all during my day, 
I snap photos of everything but absolutely nothing in particular.
It's like I'm pinching myself to be sure this reality is actually mine.
It's proof of life- proof of existing.
I'll take the ups and downs that I face daily; the ongoing pains, 
the frustrations, and imperfections of my body and it's abilities.
 I'll take the endless trials and disappointments, and the horrible unknowns
I'll take it all because it's life, and because 
I believe there is power in trials. 
"With God all things are possible".
(Matthew 19:26)