Thursday, September 03, 2009

My perfect life.

Nicholas burned his finger today. It was heart-breaking. 
 Of course, I know of his pain and felt helpless. 
His tears carried on for hours and his only solace was a baggie of ice.
 I carried the boys to bed and lay with them as I always do. 
My mind often wanders as I lay and wait for my boys to fall asleep. 
Tonight in my thoughts I walked down my hallway in my Mesa home.
 I was carrying laundry and toys in a basket. 
 I walked past the boy's room and picked up a few toys on the carpet. 
 Nicholas sat in front of his large window playing his mini-piano 
while Ollie made train tracks from a large basket.
 I walked further down past my yellow office/guest room. My computer was open
 and a few stickie notes was still attached to the screen. 
 The bed was made perfectly and the carpet vacuumed. 
 Next was the girls room. The beds were not made. 
 I lay down the basket and made their beds. Again perfect.
Then I put away toys and clothes, opened the blinds, turned around, and smiled. Perfect. 
 Then I passed the bathroom. The towels folded nicely and everything sparkled clean.
It's old and dated, but at least it's clean.
Next, I entered my room. 
 My beautiful white bedspread lay over our 4-post bed.  
In my closet, all my clothes were in perfect order with Christian's work
clothes in the hamper.  
I noticed a note places on my dresser, "good morning darling"
it read.  It was from Mr. Nielson before he left for work.

I never made it to the other rooms because Nicholas's ice pack fell down 
and he started shaking his hand wildly in the air.
 I fixed the ice and lay back down next to him with tears dripping down my face
 My heart hurt and I was lonely for my once-perfect life. 
 I missed my old home, neighbors, friends, and my face. 
 Finally, I slipped out of bed leaving the boys snoring peacefully, and walked up to my room. 
As I walked up the stairs I noticed toys spread all over the floor with garbage, 
and popsicle sticks on the ground. 
Just a few short months ago this would have not been acceptable.
But now things have changed and I don't have the energy I did.
My life is not perfect but I am alive.
 And sure, I miss the almost perfect life I once had. 
But right now, this is better than perfect, too.