Sunday, July 05, 2009

Ghost in this house.

All my guests are gone. I had been looking forward to the fourth of July weekend for months. I had friends and family fly in from Arizona-some I hadn't seen since the accident 11 months ago. My best friends. It was amazing to see them, and now they are gone. I guess I feel somewhat depressed. Yesterday was a day of mourning. I lay in bed most of the day except for once when I checked
 my e-mail and stumbled across this photo of me.
I broke down. My face no longer looks like her, but she is still me. 
I don't look like her. (yes, I am so feeling sorry for myself).
 I thought about the song Alison Krauss sings called Ghost In This House The lyrics go like this:
"I'm just a ghost in this house I'm just a shadow upon these walls As quietly as a mouse I haunt these halls I'm just a whisper of smoke I'm all that's left of two hearts on fire That once burned out of control You took my body and soul I'm just a ghost in this house."
I feel like that Ghost. I miss my old self so much it hurts every day and just when I think I have accepted the "new me" I remember her, and it hurts. 
But I am marching onward, I know I am loved no matter what I look like,
 and love is what gets me through.