Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Going back

Mr. Nielson and I packed up our smallest suitcase and headed back to the heat, and
 back to Arizona for the first time (for me) 
since the accident almost a short year ago. 
 Our mission in going was to talk to doctor Lettieri,
 (Dr. L. aka: the master plastic surgeon) 
about medical my body and fixing some painful scaring and possible neck reconstruction.
It went well, but honestly, I was more overwhelmed than anything
and I left the hospital sad and defeated.
So we went to get a treat and my friend Jamiee suggested we try Sprinkles cupcakes.
When we got there we were greeted with boxes of cupcakes in every flavor.
 They were so good!  I even managed to save a few to take home to the Nies
 (Gigs) went to town on them.  
Driving through Mesa was heart-breaking. 
 Seeing the old sites made my stomach sick.
We drove past the market where I spent hours and hours buying delicious produce
for meals for my family.
We drove by Trader Joe's where I'd shop once a week for food and for the best
 sparkling lemonade (in the coolest looking bottles) for our parties in the backyard.
 I saw the Target where I spent most of my days letting the 
kids run around because it was blazing hot to play outside. 
 And then I saw the Main Street sign which looked me straight in the eyes
 as if to coax me home to my house on Lazona.
My old home.
My old life.
 I didn't have the heart to see the old homestead. Just way too hard.

Then we visited the Maricopa Medical hospital where I
 spent a very large chunk of my recovery after the accident. 
 It was there where I was life-flighted and saved. 
I saw the nurses and talked with doctors who all had a hand in my care.
 I was totally emotional looking into their eyes!
I cried most of the time.   

On Monday night I got home to the in-laws and lay on the couch.
 I felt lonely. I was super confused and tired. 
So I thought about Monday when we got together with Lindsay and Spencer
and had delicious pizza at LGO just like old times together.
Except I'm different, and I hate it.
It was time to go home to see my children. 
 I was eager to sit them down and explain what the doctor had proposed to us
for my next big surgery and change. 
I was really worried to talk to them.  Especially Jane.
 But I really wanted their feedback and see how they reacted to the plan.
 Jane was most emotional and even told me in sobs that:
 "Most 6-year-old's don't have to do this".
I held her tight and told her she was absolutely right.
 But I didn't know what to say back to her.
So I told her she was a very special 6-year-old, and everything would be OK. 
 Then she told me she wasn't feeling very good and her burps tasted like veggie-hot dogs.
Then I think that closed that conversation.  For now, anyway.  photo taken by bluelily
 My letter to Claire, Jane, Ollie, and Nic:
All and all, things went well. 
 I do have some tough decisions to make and I strongly believe that
ultimately we need to feel Heavenly Father's love and comfort that I know
He will bless me through the Holy Ghost.
Mr. Nielson always reminds me that he is active in my life
and cares about our decisions.
 I know, and when all is said and done, 
I have enormous support from family, friends, communities (Mesa and Provo!) 
I love you- Nie signing off.

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