Going back

Mr. Nielson and I packed up our smallest suitcase and headed back to the heat, and

 back to Arizona for the first time (for me) 

since the accident almost a short year ago. 

 Our mission in going was to talk to doctor Lettieri,

 (Dr. L. aka: the master plastic surgeon) 

about medical my body and fixing some painful scaring and possible neck reconstruction.

It went well, but honestly, I was more overwhelmed than anything

and I left the hospital sad and defeated.

  

So we went to get a treat and my friend Jamiee suggested we try Sprinkles cupcakes.

When we got there we were greeted with boxes of cupcakes in every flavor.

 They were so good!  I even managed to save a few to take home to the Nies

 (Gigs) went to town on them.  

Driving through Mesa was heart-breaking. 

 Seeing the old sites made my stomach sick.

We drove past the market where I spent hours and hours buying delicious produce

for meals for my family.

We drove by Trader Joe's where I'd shop once a week for food and for the best

 sparkling lemonade (in the coolest looking bottles) for our parties in the backyard.

 I saw the Target where I spent most of my days letting the 

kids run around because it was blazing hot to play outside. 

 And then I saw the Main Street sign which looked me straight in the eyes

 as if to coax me home to my house on Lazona.

My old home.

My old life.

 I didn't have the heart to see the old homestead. Just way too hard.

Then we visited the Maricopa Medical hospital where I

 spent a very large chunk of my recovery after the accident. 

 It was there where I was life-flighted and saved. 

I saw the nurses and talked with doctors who all had a hand in my care.

 I was totally emotional looking into their eyes!

I cried most of the time.   

On Monday night I got home to the in-laws and lay on the couch.

 I felt lonely. I was super confused and tired. 

So I thought about Monday when we got together with Lindsay and Spencer

and had delicious pizza at LGO just like old times together.

Except I'm different, and I hate it.

It was time to go home to see my children. 

 I was eager to sit them down and explain what the doctor had proposed to us

for my next big surgery and change. 

I was really worried to talk to them.  Especially Jane.

 But I really wanted their feedback and see how they reacted to the plan.

 Jane was most emotional and even told me in sobs that:

 "Most 6-year-old's don't have to do this".

I held her tight and told her she was absolutely right.

 But I didn't know what to say back to her.

So I told her she was a very special 6-year-old, and everything would be OK. 

 Then she told me she wasn't feeling very good and her burps tasted like veggie-hot dogs.

Then I think that closed that conversation.  For now, anyway.  photo taken by bluelily

 My letter to Claire, Jane, Ollie, and Nic:

****

All and all, things went well. 

 I do have some tough decisions to make and I strongly believe that

ultimately we need to feel Heavenly Father's love and comfort that I know

He will bless me through the Holy Ghost.

Mr. Nielson always reminds me that he is active in my life

and cares about our decisions.

 I know, and when all is said and done, 

I have enormous support from family, friends, communities (Mesa and Provo!) 

I love you- Nie signing off.