Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Going back and love notes

Mr. Nielson and I packed up our smallest suitcase and headed back to the heat
 in Arizona for the first time (for me) 
since the accident almost a short year ago. 
 Our mission in going was to talk to Doctor Lettieri,
 (Dr. L. aka: the master plastic surgeon) 
about medical stuff for my body and fixing some painful 
scaring and possible neck reconstruction.
It went well, but honestly, I was more overwhelmed than anything,
 and I left the hospital sad and defeated.
So we went to get a treat, and my friend Jamiee suggested we try Sprinkles cupcakes.
When we got there, we were greeted with boxes of cupcakes in every flavor.
Somebody called ahead!!!
 They were so good! 
(I even managed to save a few to take home to the Nies
 (Gigs) went to town on them). 
Driving through Mesa was heartbreaking. 
 Seeing the old sites made my stomach sick.
We drove past the market, where I spent hours and hours buying delicious produce
for meals for my family.
We drove by Trader Joe's, where I'd shop once a week for food and the best
 sparkling lemonade (in the coolest-looking bottles) for our parties in the backyard.
 I saw Target, where I spent most of my days letting the 
kids run around because it was blazing hot to play outside. 
 And then I saw the Main Street sign, which looked me straight in the eyes
 as if to coax me home to my house on Lazona.
My old home.
My old life.
 I didn't have the heart to see the old homestead. Just way too hard.

Then we visited the Maricopa Medical Hospital, where I
 spent a huge chunk of my recovery after the accident. 
 It was there where I was life-flighted and saved. 
I saw the nurses and talked with doctors who all had a hand in my care.
 I was totally emotional looking into their eyes!
I cried most of the time.   

On Monday night, I got home to the in-laws and lay on the couch.
 I felt lonely. I needed quiet and felt tired. 
So I thought about last Monday when we got together with Lindsay and Spencer
and had delicious pizza at LGO, just like old times.
Except I'm different, and I hate it.
It was time to go home back to the children. 
 I was eager to sit them down and explain what the doctor had proposed to us
for my next extensive surgery and change. 
I was apprehensive about talking to them. Especially Jane.
 But I wanted their feedback and how they reacted to the plan.
 Jane was most emotional and even told me in sobs that:
 "Most 6-year-olds don't have to do this".
I held her tight and told her she was absolutely right.
 But I didn't know what to say back to her.
So I told her she was a very special 6-year-old, and everything would be OK. 
 Then she told me she wasn't feeling very good, and her burps tasted like veggie-hot dogs.
Then that closed that conversation. For now, anyway. 
 My letter to Claire, Jane, Ollie, and Nicholas: 
All and all, things went well. 
 I do have some tough decisions to make, and I firmly believe that
ultimately we need to feel Heavenly Father's love and comfort. 
I know He will bless me through the Holy Ghost.
Mr. Nielson always reminds me that the Lord is active in my life
and cares very much about our decisions.
 I know, and when all is said and done, 
I have enormous support from family, friends, and communities (Mesa and Provo!) 

I love you- Nie. Signing off.

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