This morning, I thought I was dying.
Not only because of the nausea, but my body aches.
Each day, my skin stretches to make room for this healthy baby girl,
and it's amazing, and I am soooo thankful,
but it feels a little like torture.
I don't want sympathy or anything;
I just don't know what to do with
my feelings and physical discomfort, so complaining
all the time seems natural.
I've been here before, praying for a swift death to take me
from my pain- that sounded way dramatic, but holy cow, this is hard.
Christian settled me on the couch in the living room and
lit a fire in the fireplace.
He played my favorite song,
"Slow Down" by Sissel on repeat as I lay there
staring into the fire with tears.
Then I got a text from Ollie in Idaho.
He was headed to his early class, and in his part of the world
it was still dark outside.
He texted me a photo of his truck with his cute Christmas wreath
on the front and the snow piling up on the road, sidewalk,
and his car, and he said,
"Can't wait to come home for Christmas! I'll try to
bring some of this snow with me, I know you love it.
Have a good day, I love you, Mom."
I'm so grateful that my kids are strong and resilient.
It's such a cute, full-circle event that they are all caring for me
as I bring another sibling into their lives.
Amidst this horrific sickness, I feel God's love and know
He has a plan for our family and me.
He is God.
It's also comforting to know that whenever this baby comes,
I know I'll feel so much better.
This isn't forever.
Later, Christian took me in the car
(he knows I love car rides.) And we stocked up on firewood.
It's getting low, and when everyone comes for
Christmas, we need to be prepared.
No snow in the forecast, but it will be really cold.
Only 15 more days until Ollie comes, and 17 days
until Nate & Claire come!
I'm so excited!
*
In the midst of my confusion
In the time of desperate need
When I am thinking not too clearly
A gentle voice does intercede
Slow down, slow down, be still
Be still and wait, on the Spirit of the Lord
Slow down and hear His voice
And know that He is God
In the time of tribulation
When I'm feeling so unsure
When things are pressing in about me
Comes a gentle voice so still, so pure
Slow down, slow down, be still, my child
Be still and wait, on the Spirit of the Lord
Slow down and hear His voice
And know that He is God
