It's Been Two Months

It's been two months since I last checked in with the NieNiedialogues!  
Every day feels like a battle.  This pregnancy has been complicated.  

Between the 24/7 nausea, loss of energy, a touch of depression, and physical pain 

(burns and pregnancy are really painful), 

I've only been able to do the very, very minimum to survive.
But baby six is growing healthy (and happy- she never stops moving); 

I'm now entering my 6th month.

Christian told me, as I complained and cried to him last night in both pain and frustration, 

to focus on growing baby six right now, and he'll take care of the rest.  

And he will- and does! But for me, while I am incredibly grateful, 

every day, my world moves on without me, and I feel like I miss the train every day.  

This is a feeling that only women can understand, because we

carry guilt alongside our numerous responsibilities anyway.  
I've been in this situation before—sick and bedridden, relying completely on others.

It's not a comfortable place to be, and I sometimes wonder if

 God thought I didn’t learn the lessons I needed from those experiences,

so I'm here again.
I know God doesn't work like that, but I wonder.

I'm going to back-blog and catch up for the last two months. 

So much has happened, and for the sake of posterity, 

I want to document it all.

As I type this, October is displaying its beauty outside my window, and 

that is bringing me so much joy.