Sunday, June 07, 2009

Becoming Stephanie

My appointment at the Burn Clinic today was actually quite eventful. The good news just kept coming. Dr. Carla said everything was "pretty good" and Walter, (who looks just like Lance Armstrong) and my PT, said he was very impressed by my burns. I mean, not that my burns are impressive but you know, well, you know what I mean. The coloring looks good and pink. Ann, my therapist said she could see a significant difference in my countenance, and I was happy. Mr. Nielson took a day off and went fishing with my brothers. I was so happy to release him from his duties caring for all of us for some fun in nature. I missed him at my side though-especially since today was a "happy consult". My mom came with me instead. We talked about angels, family, children's names, hope, and other things Mom's and daughters talk about including how I hurt when I wake up in the morning. Cindy (my mom) asked me when I was going to post a picture of me here on my blog. I said never. NO WAY.
 But I will.
So here are my eyes.
 
I get to create a new "me" whatever that entails. It hasn't been easy having to reinvent myself. I have (and still do) mourn for Stephanie. Where did she go? Now I look in the mirror and see someone else, but it's still me. It's...well...weird. I have to learn to be me again. I have to accept and hope. And I should stop saying "should" and replace that with "get". I GET to have a second chance at life. I get to enjoy my children even if my fingers don't work. I get to change the way I look at life and how I can somehow help someone else in need. And best of all, I get to have my husband. He is still him and I am still me and we still can have and create the same love we had before.
 I may be a little different Stephanie, but it's still me. What an honor.