Halloween 2025

We celebrated Halloween.  

Somehow, I pulled off a dinner (I even made chili!)

We had the usual Halloween dinner suspects:

dry ice with root beer

charcuterie board covered with flies and bugs

sourdough bread and

Jane made cookies, which we didn't eat because I think

we were all sugared out.

I must have had 100 Snickers and 100 Tootsie Rolls throughout the day

 not because I wanted to eat treats, but because this pregnancy has made me

have the WORST taste in my mouth ALL THE TIME, and 

so I keep eating sugary stuff.

This pregnancy has been so strange.

After dinner, we drove out of Stillstead country

and into our old neighborhood so Lottie could

find her friends, and we could see the fun decorations and 

watch the kids running around.

I love Halloween.

Earlier this morning, Jane and Lottie (who skipped school)

went to a Barre3 class at the studio, both wearing matching Halloween bows.

I was sad to miss the class, but vigorous exercise physically hurts

my super non-stretchy pregnant skin.  So I'm skipping out.

Next year I WON'T be pregnant and WILL have a little

baby girl whom I get to introduce ALL my favorite 

Halloween everything's!

I get to read ALL my Halloween books to her,

and watch ALL my favorite Halloween cartoons together.

It can't come soon enough!

It's Been Two Months

It's been two months since I last checked in with the NieNiedialogues!  
Every day feels like a battle.  This pregnancy has been complicated.  

Between the 24/7 nausea, loss of energy, a touch of depression, and physical pain 

(burns and pregnancy are really painful), 

I've only been able to do the very, very minimum to survive.
But baby six is growing healthy (and happy- she never stops moving); 

I'm now entering my 6th month.

Christian told me, as I complained and cried to him last night in both pain and frustration, 

to focus on growing baby six right now, and he'll take care of the rest.  

And he will- and does! But for me, while I am incredibly grateful, 

every day, my world moves on without me, and I feel like I miss the train every day.  

This is a feeling that only women can understand, because we

carry guilt alongside our numerous responsibilities anyway.  
I've been in this situation before—sick and bedridden, relying completely on others.

It's not a comfortable place to be, and I sometimes wonder if

 God thought I didn’t learn the lessons I needed from those experiences,

so I'm here again.
I know God doesn't work like that, but I wonder.

I'm going to back-blog and catch up for the last two months. 

So much has happened, and for the sake of posterity, 

I want to document it all.

As I type this, October is displaying its beauty outside my window, and 

that is bringing me so much joy.

Luscious Lips

Today we had another ultrasound of baby girl six!  

She's healthy and growing as she should!  I am so relieved.  

I've been so anxious about this pregnancy, more so than my other five.

My favorite image of her is of her GIANT, luscious lips.

Takes after her mama. 

(Post accident)

Tragic

This afternoon, I drove myself to the studio and met Jane and Christian for lunch.  
Lunch is usually the best part of the day because I emerge from my room/bed, 
force myself to get dressed and into the studio. 
 I'm still not able to teach.  I'm still so sick, and unfortunately,

the way the studio smells pushes me over the edge.  

It's such a tragedy.
 But I can usually get a few bites of food in me.
Except today I threw it up.
Do you want to hear something else tragic?

Dr. Pepper doesn't even sound good. 

Am I Ready?

 Today I took Ollie school shopping.

Just the two of us.

And he was so concerned about me being sick.

I'm loving how my adult children are so compassionate and good to me

with this pregnancy.

This is such a huge difference from the last time when everyone was almost 

14 years younger!  I'm always in good hands and feel so taken care of!

I'm so excited for Ollie to go to school and be around his buddies

from his mission, and start dating!  

So many chapters in my life are changing right before my eyes.

Am I ready?

Kitty Pics

 I think Gigs misses Kitty more than anyone else- even me, his mom!  
He sent me a text that read:
"Send me pics of Kitty."

I sent him this one:

Months To Go

 This morning, Christian called me from work and asked me to check on
 the cows, since we have a mama ready to deliver any day.  

He was also probably trying to help me get out of bed because

 most of the time, it's good for me to get out and out

of depression mode.

I literally have to make myself do anything,

and I swear I'm losing all the muscles in my body.

I'm so weak.

Walking around the pasture almost killed me.
Sure enough, a new little calf was running around the green pasture, 

alert and adorable! 

 I was so happy to report the news to Christian! 

 Also, I felt a little jealous that the mama cow had her baby. 

 I still have MONTHS to go.

But another day down.

Gigs In The MTC #1

 

Today, we got to talk to Elder Nielson for the first time since being

in the MTC.

Even Claire joined the call from Arizona.

He is doing so well!

He's loving being back in Provo, and has seen

some of the Clark family drive past the MTC, which he

says makes him a little homesick.

But that's bound to happen with so many family members

who live in Provo.

Ollie's 4X4

 Finally!  It's September!  Yay!

Early this morning, we drove to the darling town of Asheville because 

Ollie bought a truck to take to Idaho later this month for school.

Unfortunately, he forgot that the banks were closed because it was

 Labor Day, so he was able to buy his truck thanks to

 Jane, who had cash on hand to help him.

Jane agreed on one condition:

Ollie has to teach her to drive a manual before he leaves for school.

Deal.

It was fun to get out and enjoy a change of scenery.  

I can tell some of the trees are on the verge of changing.  

I'm welcoming Autumn with BIG arms!  I am ready!

Uphill Battle

Because every single day feels like an uphill battle for me,

Christian makes it a point to tell me something either before we go to bed 

or before he heads out the door, that helps me survive the day.

Today, before he left for work, he reminded me that it was the first

BYU football game, and our family tradition is to get donuts for the

first football game of the season.

While the donuts didn't sound great, going with him in the car

and watching a football game sounded fun.

And it got me through the day.

When it was the afternoon, just like he said, he came and picked

me up, put me in his truck, and off we went.

(With a couple throw-up sacks for good measure).

First stop was donuts, and then to get a frozen Coke at McDonald's

because that is the only other thing right now that tastes good.

And gumballs.

 

Hands

This picture of Jane and Claire holding baby Lottie, a few 

months after she was born in 2012 is keeping me going today.

I love thinking that baby six will have many hands from her three

big sisters and three big brothers (including a brother-in-law),

 who will love, care for, hold, and teach her.

This is such a unique scenario for our family, and I'm so grateful for it.

I'm so grateful God trusts me- that He trusts our family to welcome another

little miracle into our home.

It still seems crazy and overwhelming,

but I trust in God and His plan for our family.

A Mess

 This morning, after throwing up, I took myself outside and had a good cry.

I'm emotional, I'm so sick, and I'm hot.  August is killing me.

Then took a look at my garden that I planted with the very best of

 gardening intentions, when I was not sick and not pregnant.

 Now everything seems like a giant mess. 

I feel the way it looks: disorganized, exhausted, and frustrated.

My doctors gave me a patch that goes on my behind to help with my nausea,

but it makes my eyes dilate, and I can't see anything.

I can't read, I can't watch TV, I'm basically just miserable.

I know that someday, this will all just be a memory, 

but right now, it's very, very real.

Goodbye Gigs

Early this morning, when everything was dark, Christian, Ollie, and I

 drove Elder Gigs to the airport to say goodbye as he heads to the

Provo MTC, where he will stay for 8 weeks, 

learning the Slovak language and culture before 

leaving for good in October.

I was so sad.

I was also so sick.

It was a terrible combination.

But Gigs was so brave, carrying his purple luggage behind him, 

off to do his duty.

I was so proud of him.

He's been planning and preparing for this day ALL HIS LIFE.

These next two years will shape and mold him.

He'll grow into a man and be spiritually strong.

On the way home, I threw up.

Later in the day, my mom sent me a few photos of when

she and my dad picked him up from the airport in Salt Lake City.

They took him to lunch before dropping him off for good.

I cried all day thinking about him.

Thinking about when we stayed up way too late the night before

packing up his clothes and room.

I lay on his bed with my throw-up sack

trying my best to help and give direction.

Then I cried, thinking about his green cup he kept on top of the fridge 

where he was the only one tall enough to reach it. 

And I cried when I saw his Simpsons flips under the dinner table.

I'm keeping the cup up there until he gets home.

First Day Of School 2025

Today, Lottie started her 8th-grade year.

Here's to hoping this year is better than last.

After I dropped her off, I went home and died in my bed.

Around 3:00, Gigs' MTC lunch break happened 

right when we needed to pick Lottie up from school,

so Gigs drove us to her school, and then we drove into Chapel Hill

and grabbed an early dinner

together as she told us all about her first day.

I think it's going to be a good year.

She's sooo darling!

Meanwhile, Jane is taking over all my Barre3 responsibilities

beucase I can't even get myself to go inside the studio.

Thank you, Jane, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.