Wednesday, May 20, 2015

It's just a test.

Sometimes I look at old photos of myself just to remember what it felt like to
bend my fingers and twist and move without pain and discomfort.
Or remember what it was like wear lipstick.
Sometimes I look at these photos with tears in my eyes because 
it seemed like another life and another woman.
Sometimes I look at me and think those 27 years was all just a dream, 
a very beautiful dream.
Sometimes I cry when I look at those photos,
(like I am right now as I am typing this).

Today my body hurt.  I felt a little down too.  This happens sometimes.
Then I feel a little depressed when I hurt.
When I hurt, I longingly think about the days when life was easier.  
Everything seemed easier.
I do realize very quickly however, that this chapter in my life 
is me progressing, not digressing.
Progressing because I am doing it.  Maybe not always with a smile on my face,
but at least with an open peaceful heart knowing that God will
compensate me and "every tear today will eventually be returned a
hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
I just have to believe that.  It makes this road easier.
Yep, its hard.  Yep I get frustrated, and yep sometimes it's the dumbest.
But, this is my life.
I own this trial and all that comes with it.
It's my choice how I deal with my adversities.
I believe that we can choose how we direct our trials
so they can become our greatest blessings.
And remember, blessings don't always mean perfect.
My skin is a blessing and it is far from perfect. 
But it's mine, and with it I can still create, I can move and stretch.
 I can serve, and still live a very very beautiful life.
When I look at my skin and scars I see God.  
I see miracles.

This life is a test, it's just a test.
A wonderful frustrating test, that is so worth living,
and so worth waking up and working hard for.