Thursday, January 16, 2014

Then we both cried.

It's official, I am dying a slow death at the Provo Marriott hotel.
I needed to do some laundry today, so I dragged Lottie from our room 
down long hallway to the 
elevators with 3 large garbage bags full of dirty clothes, 
Lottie's stroller, her blanket {minkie}, my purse 
(with Lottie's medicine and an extra change of clothes}, 
Lotties' dolly and her dollies stroller.  
Then I dragged all that crap with very
 sick baby Lottie on my hip through the lobby, 
out the door, and across the street to the parking lot where my car was parked.  
When I got to my car, I remembered I left my car keys on the desk upstairs.
I sat down in the parking lot and began to cry.
Lottie did too.
We both cried.  
I cried out of exhaustion, I cried because Lottie has been so sick, 
because I feel like a very impatient mother.  I also cried because I only
 packed my children hostess cupcakes and fruit snacks for lunch that day.  
I cried because my hands hurt all the time.
I cried because I feel like I can't keep up.  
I cried because I thought about the night before when I walked every single
 floor in the hotel multiple times at 2:00 
in the morning with a very sad and sick baby in a stroller
 and me with no shoes on.
 I  cried because I e-mailed Claire's 6th grade teacher and
told her that the thought of taking my the little Nies to parent teacher
 conferences would for sure kill me and I couldn't think of that right now.

I know life is hard sometimes.  
Sometimes I feel so inadequate as a mother.
I know hard times come and I also know that that they will pass.  
I know that in reality Lottie will get better,
that I won't be living at the hotel forever, 
and that one of these nights on Fox Hill I will ask Mr. Nielson if 
he remembers that one time we lived in a hotel...