Thursday, February 21, 2013

Inside and out.

I sat with Mr Nielson in "our spot" near the fireplace in the 
It was Valentines day.
We had just finished a great morning/afternoon skiing together.
I looked at Mr. Nielson and told him how thankful I was.  
 I can still do everything I want- just like I did before the accident.  
I recounted all the things they said I'd never do.
Valentines Day was another blessed reminder that I am still alive- still very much alive.  
 I felt so happy and content.

Today, I overheard some men laughing and talking- oh, and pointing...
{do grown people do that?} about me today.
That never gets any easier- even when I think I look so much better.
I felt sad, angry, and then stupid.  I wanted to run away and hide, 
but part of me wanted to confront them and tell them whats up.
Instead I quickly remembered back to that afternoon with Mr. Nielson at Sundance.  
 In that embarrassing moment, I tried to remember those feelings 
I was having on Valentines Day with the man I love.
With that man who loves me back unconditionally.
I felt empowered and so confident of my progress and myself.
I felt gratitude and pure contentment. 
Those tender feelings I experienced that afternoon helped softened my heart and
 helped me move on and forgive and forget that upsetting moment.
Besides I had baby Charlotte in my arms.  
She was resting her little head on my shoulder dozing off to sleep.
She loves and needs me completely regardless of what I look like.
She-me-us-motherhood are so much bigger to me than anything those 
men could say about me.
  My purpose and role on this earth is so much bigger than
 anything hurtful anyone can ever say or do.  
My life and recent trial is something they know nothing about.  
Something that I hold sacred and treasure in my heart.  
And that is what my accident has been to me- a blessed, 
beautiful terrifically hard bump in my earthly journey.  
My scars are just proof that I went through something 
hard and that I am doing it every single day. 
I am so thankful for those reminders I get now and then.  
They pick me up and dust me off when it gets hard.
After, I found myself smiling at those men and the world around me.
And I honestly truly felt lovely inside and out.