Tuesday, June 19, 2012

It was a long day.

Just yesterday I expressed my concern to Lucy about how
I was not looking forward to the weather getting warmer.
While it is true it is super uncomfortable to have burned skin in the sun,
I also feel super self-conscious about it too.
Just last summer was I able to free any concerns I had with my arms.
I am finally wearing short-sleeved shirts with little worry,
but my legs are a different story.
I am not there yet.
The burns were so extensive that they actually changed shape.
They are smaller and kind of disproportionate to the parts on my legs that were not burned.
In other words, they kind of look funky.

But I have a few wonderful mid-calf skirts that I am dying to wear
and I am dying of heat in jeans everyday.
Today I decided to put one on.
I wasn't planning on going out so no one would see me.
Then Mr. Nielson wanted a sandwich,
then it was reveled that we had no bread.
I decided since it was later in the day not many people would
be at our favorite bread store to see my uncovered legs.

Just as I suspected, not too may people buying bread at that time.
I was in and out in minutes. Perfect.
Then I opened the back door of the car to put the bread in and the
vase that I was going to return to cousin Katie fell out and shattered. (sorry kate).
Within seconds a very nice guy came over and began picking up the pieces;
the pieces right under my feet where my bare legs were.
I was super self-conscious and I felt super stupid.
He was so very nice and then I thought it wasn't that big of a deal.

After, I was reminded of the great conversation I had with Dr. L. just a few minutes earlier.
He called from Phoenix to let me know he had seen this interview and he thought I looked great.
I felt happy he took the time out of his busy life to call and tell me that.
I joked with him and told him I looked so good because they had caked the make-up on me.

On my way home I stopped at Jamba Juice to get the children a smoothie.
Just my luck, no one was in line. I ran out of the car and up to the front of the line.
Just as I ended my order a bigger man and his ten year old daughter came up to me.
His voice was loud and he boldly said to me:

{my legs in a mid-calf skirt}

"My daughter wants to know what's wrong with you.
She wants to know why you look that way, and I want to educate her so she knows about different people. I don't mean to embarrass you, but I think its important she knows about people who look different than us."

I wanted to call Mr. Nielson and have him come rescue me, then I wanted to cry.
After trying my nicest I explained what had happened, he turned to this little girl and said:

"See, she is normal just like us"

After that, I grabbed my smoothies are ran out the door.
I was so sad.
I was super worried about showing some "skin",
and then pretty much decided never to go out alone again.

I came home nursed Lottie and made Mr. Nielson hold me.
Lottie doesn't care what I look like. I am Mama to her and always will be.
I asked Mr. Nielson to take me for a ride up the canyon on the motorcycle,
I needed to blow off some steam and have a good cry.

{Thanks LK for watching Lottie!}

I called niece Lindsay Kay to come up and watch the children.
As we drove the curved roads I let the worries, frustrations, sadness,
and disappointment blow away.

I have Mr. Nielson who loves me so much and actually thinks I am beautiful-seriously.
I have loving doctors who are genuine and so caring and a
family support system who would beat anyone up if I asked them to.
{I wouldn't do that!}

I came home to five beautiful children.
The house was a mess and dishes in the sink.
Dinner needed to be prepared and children bathed.
And it was wonderful.