Thursday, November 18, 2010

Good enough.


(Pregnant Lucy looks on as Betsy and Claire dance to INXS)

Tonight Lucy came over with Betsy.
Andrew is out of town and so she needed a warm home to take Betsy to bide
her time until he returned late that evening.
She came up to my house and we had Cafe Rio (of course) for dinner
and then she planned on putting
Betsy into the hot tub with my kids
(Don't worry Mom, with our watchful eyes- of course).
The water felt so good and Betsy repeatedly asked her mommy to get in.
She caved.
I saw Lucy's darling pregnant-due-any-day-belly up close as she changed into a little make-shift swimming suit I produced for the moment (A sports bra and some old trunks)
to get into the hot tub with Betsy and my herd.

In despair after the accident, I looked at my thin, burned, frail body in disgust.
I would never ever look the same, or good enough to be in a swimming suit and with that,
I threw them all away.
All of them.
Even the cute polka dotted one-piece I got that was (if I do say so myself) pretty hot on.
I longed for beautiful and healthy skin, but more than that a baby in MY tummy.

After the troop came inside, we put jammies on the children and sat and watched them dance to Christmas music in my living room.
They are so innocent and I thought to myself, just how badly I wanted to protect them from anything and everything wrong and bad in the world.
Then I remembered how hard I was (and am) on myself sometimes.
I wish I had this and that-mostly physical. But WOW, look at what I have!!
I have a body! That is good enough for me. I have skin! That is good enough for me.
I don't care the shape its in- I have it, and I am so blessed.
And that is what I want my children to remember about their mother.
That I was always grateful for everything and anything I had.
Even if it is old, worn out, sad, ugly or burned.
I have it- and that is good enough.

(I have a family. That's all I ever wanted.
Photo's by BlueLily/summer 2010)