I was thinking, today. Did you know that everyone out here in the east has a godmother of some sorts? Yep that’s right-except us. So I was thinking of who I wanted my kids Godmother to be. And Godmothers (so it seems) can’t be related to family. So I was thinking that since you have impeccable style and charm, maybe you, could you-Will you be our godmother?
If you say yes, let me give you a guide on what godmothers do and stuff like that
1. Godmothers come to all birthday parties, baptisms, and celebrations, that sort of thing. Sometimes they come over just to visit the “god-kids” and bring them gum or something fun like that.
2. Godmothers DON’T baby-sit. I bet you are relived about that! All they do is make sure that the “god-kids” are clothed and fed and that the mother (me) is doing a good job. (And I do)
Oh, and I forgot.
3.If I should become a drug-addict, then you would take care of the children. If I die, then you will just hang out with them until family comes along, or something like that.
Now I am going to give you a short list of ‘code’ Nielson words and what they mean, so when you come to pick up the kids for ice cream (because godmothers do that too…a lot.) then you will know.
Creamy: is special diaper cream that my children often use. It occurs with diaper rash or just plain bad wiping habits. “Creamy” comes in the form of desitin, or A&D cream. Or if you want to get real fancy you can use my Origins baby cream, but it is really expensive so I only use it when I go to church or something like that.
Vickie: a “Vickie” is a vagina. Since I don’t want to call it that, we call it “Vicky”
Old MacDonald’s: Is the fast food joint ‘McDonald's’. Since I can count on my hands how many times they have been there (thanks to my Dad) they refer it to Old MacDonald’s simply because they never go there and know the proper name.
Rockamole: Is actually Guacamole.
Dancie dress: Is anything that twirls and is in their dress-up pile
Pony Movie: is on Fantasia and is the favorite among my children. Bad news is, it is in the middle of the VHS version we have, so you will have to rewind, fast forward and all that jazz for like 20 minutes to find it. Once you find it you will have rewind it about 50 times after and listen to them fight for who gets to be the prettiest pony on the movie.
Your new God kids prefer almond butter to peanut butter. They only drink soy milk, organic chips, and are vegetarian. Oh, and also when you put them to bed, you have to sing:
“Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite” then immediately after that you have to break into:
“Trick or treat, smell my feet gimme something good to eat. If you don’t I don’t care, I’ll pull down your underwear.” Right after that, they will sing it too and change “pull down your underwear” to “go get some underwear." Then you will say:
"Oh that is much better than pulling down your underwear" they will laugh and fall off to dream land after that. Then you smile and say goodnight.
Good Luck Reachel, (if you choose to accept) Your new God children are perfect lil angles and I will set up a time with you when we can discuss the ceremony of announcing to all that you are the Nielson family Godmother!!
(to see how cool Reachel is, visit her website, but you can't ask her to be YOUR children's God mother, I already asked!)